Michelle Conaway

I was thinking this morning about the gifts that lie hidden within the depths of our being, that we so many times want to hide from the world.  Those creative gifts that we were told so many times as children and young adults were great pass times, when we weren’t busy doing something “productive”, but that were not really to be given much attention.  Heaven forbid we think we might could sustain ourselves in life using these beautiful talents.   I see in my own life the creative energy that has stayed dormant for so much of my life in pursuit of things that really “mattered” instead.  Those beautiful hidden talents that have been choked out of my life, pushed down and hidden.

I come from a generation that was all about pursing something that we thought would bring joy and success but instead brought a crippled version of self.  The career, the money, the big houses, cars and prestige.   The life the world thought was valuable, and all the while our  true authentic selves being plunged to the bottom of our existence.  I have seen it not only in myself but in others around me.  The “giving up” of our dreams in pursuit of something that “looked” more promising.  There is nothing wrong with pursuing a career and all of the physical things that go with it, but if it is at the expense of allowing our true selves to emerge, is that really success?

I read a story today that a friend of mine started.  She LOVES to write, as do I.  But that skill has been banished from the forefront of her mind for so long and not only that, been abused by those haunting voices from the past.  “You’re not good enough.”  “Only the best sustain themselves with their creative talents.” YOU can’t do that!”  “Who are YOU to think that YOU could have anything to offer the world, other than HARD work and putting nose to the grindstone.”

When I read the beginning of my friend’s story, I thought, My God, this girl has talent!  Why isn’t she writing books and getting published?  I see that I need to turn this question on myself as well.   I need to ask the question daily, “Why am I not at least trying to get published?  Why do I withhold what is within me to express?”

I am starting to see that it all comes down to facing the dreaded fears that we have about our talents. When we can allow ANYTHING to happen in our existence on this great planet, including failure, rejection, and looking stupid, we can step more fully into who we are.  When I am not avoiding failure, failure is not so threatening.  I then give myself and others permission to see the REAL me and have whatever reaction they have.  And it is usually so sweet and beautiful and not near the harsh reaction that I was afraid of.

I am getting on a cellular level how precious our talents and voices are.   The voice of the divine speaks to us within our talents and to withhold it is a transgression against not only ourselves but the world.  For it is that which lies deep within ourselves that is our gift.  When withheld, we are withholding all of the good that life has to offer and we close ourselves off from receiving back from the world what it so much wants to give us.

Failure is a dreaded illusion of the mind.  When we bury the voice that is within us, wanting to be spoken, we are lost.  So as I face failure, look it dead in the eye and ALLOW it to surface, what I find is success.  When we are living authentically, there is no such thing as failure.  Only lessons and life itself.

So to my friend the writer I say, GO FOR IT!  To myself I say the same.  The gifts that we behold and that were planted into our very being are aching to be released into the Universe and it is our responsibility to voice them and allow them to flow where they may, without attachment to where they go, what anyone thinks about it or how it ultimately turns out.  I suspect that whatever happens when we do this, it is always good.  There is a gift in it somewhere if we only dare to look for it.

 

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